Girl fights, LDS dressing and mourning in tongues. The trifecta.

What a day!!  I broke up a girl-fight in our parking lot during one service this afternoon, dressed a Mormon man for burial, and had to endure 3 solid hours of strange singing (odd harmonies that were not too pleasant) mixed with loud chanting and forced wailing and mourning in tongues.  Finally left the mortuary at 9:55 tonight.  And that same family is back for round 2 tomorrow morning. 

Ask if you want to know more - I'm just too tired to write about it now LOL.

Oh my - that's a lot of typing

Okay - now that I have some other folks reading this, I'll answer more questions :o)  And feel free to post them here!  I'll still answer them no matter how I get them, so FB, email, text, twitter and blog are all fine.  LOL 

Q: I am glad you love your job! It is so nice to hear you happy and enjoying what you do, rather than the unsatisfying things you'd say at the previous employment esp after your awesome boss left:) And yes, I did remember correctly... ok, so maybe moreso your hubby than you... he must LOVE your stories! 

My new job is going really well, all things considered. I am really happy there - the team is small, but we all really get along well. It's almost like true family LOL. We've had a few bumps along the way, but all in all we really work well as a team.

Things are much different than I had envisioned them to be. I never knew how much literal 'hands on' the job would entail. I have done things I never ever thought I'd do. Not a lot creeps me out anymore, but I'm still new. I haven't seen many ugly cases yet.

I am starting to find my rhythm. I have no qualms being in the morgue alone, and the sight of a dead body doesn't phase me in the least anymore. I have moved people, dressed people, washed them down, casketed them, and have even removed some pacemakers (which was NOWHERE on the job description, let me tell you!!!). I have painted nails, glued lips closed, and taped gaping wounds closed so the families could have their precious viewing. I have done a little cosmetics, but my sister-in-law LOVES that part, so I don't usually get to do hair and makeup.

The older cases are easier since they usually die of natural causes. The young cancer patients are hard, accident victims are harder, and babies are THE WORST. But, it's my job, so I do it. I do it for the mothers who shouldn't do it. I handle their loved one with care and compassion, so they don't have to have a tangible final horrid memory. That being said, none of us will EVER work on someone we know.

The sorrow is hard, but I'm getting used to it. I remove myself from their pain and symbolically lead them by the hand through the toughest time they've ever experienced. I have been called terrible things, but no worse than when I worked customer service in retail. I have learned that families can be cruel. The hatred spewed forth from differing sides is horrid to watch.

When a Funeral Professional tells you that you should not have a viewing or that the casket should be closed, AGREE AND MOVE ON. You really DON'T want to know what your loved one looks like sometimes. To have that as your last memory of your loved one is harsh. You will never forget that look, the feel or the smell. Treasure your happy times and be satisfied with that. Please. I have seen things I cannot un-see. (If anyone wants any more graphic detail, just ask - I'll message ya some stories.)

All that being said, there are also some crazy funny stories. People go completely batshit crazy sometimes. we had a lady pass out twice at her husband's service, only to wake up and beat on her sons while screaming gibberish. Another family sat and drank several bottles of vodka thru the entire viewing. We got them outside to the patio area before they started puking everywhere. Seriously - the family situations can get really twisted. We had one case where wife called about her husband. We start the whole process, then get a call from his sister the next day. Oops! Not the right wife! We had to scurry around to get current wife to sign all paperwork since the 'wife' we talked to eventually turned out to be nothing more than a girlfriend who had been duped. She thought she was wife #2, but she was actually wife #3 except he never divorced #2, so the 3rd marriage was never legal. She went from being the next-of-kin to being as legally significant as the part-time barista at Starbucks. And guess who had to tell her? US! Yeah . . . that went well.

Well well well. I think I used up all of my brains LOL! So . . . I'll conclude with this:

I LOVE my job, I don't think I'll switch jobs again if I have any choice in the matter, and I really don't mind talking about my job. I can't use identifying details (names, locations, reports) but I have no problem telling work stories (which my hubby loves). It's some crazy stuff, FO SHO! But not everyone is interested, so I only tell upon request. 

Q: Will you be spending your next anniversary with a candlelight dinner in the morgue? :P

Ha ha ha!! We really enjoy Halloween around our house. We got married on Halloween - his choice. I like the cutesy Halloween stuff (think Hallmark) whereas DH is more into the science-fiction-zombie stuff. I'm not so sure about the morgue dinner thing LOL. Not the place where you want food to be!  LOL LOL LOL 

Q: Erin, what you do is an amazing thing. In Jewish tradition, there is a special process of ritually and spiritually cleansing the body. It is said to be one of the most important things that a person can do for another. We don't do open caskets or any of the dressing up of the body - so I find it interesting what you are doing. 

  

Oh wow! We don't have a large Jewish population in our area, so I had no idea! I find traditions and sacraments to be so fascinating. We do have quite a Mormon population in the area, so we have done several LDS cases. Their tradition is that the ladies of the church will dress the loved one. It's a whole set-up that we have to do to make that possible, but it's really cool that we do it. The last LDS case we did, there was no way to dress - they had to just lay the clothes on top of the remains. Such a touching and moving thing to see. 

Q: So what is your actual title?  I thought you were doing accounting, but then I saw you are a licensed funeral director? How did you get that?

Here's the history of the Funeral Director title in my life: BIL & SIL opened their own mortuary 2-3 years ago. In order to be a licensed funeral home in the state of Cali, you must have a Licensed Funeral Director attached to your facility. In order to be a Licensed Funeral Director, you must have a bachelor's degree (no clue why, but there it is). Neither BIL or SIL ever went to college, so they wanted to have the FD license held by a family member. DH and I are the only ones in the whole clan with college degrees, so it was either DH or me. DH was not interested in studying for any state test, so it was ME. So, I got my FD license about 1-1/2 years ago - just after I got my LEED Green Associate certification for Environmental Construction (the tests were 2 weeks apart - felt like I was in college all over again!). I got paid for having my license posted on the wall in the office of the mortuary. Sweet deal for me!


Fast forward about a year - I was hating my construction company for how they screwed GB, and the mortuary had expanded to a second location. They (we? LOL) are looking to expand to a third location by 2013, so another person needed to be brought on board to get the admin side of things in order, and to probably run one location. Long story short; they came to me, and the timing worked out so that we are both happy now.

I had understood that as the company Office Manager, my job would be 100% clerical - accounting, payroll, shipping/receiving and supplies for both locations. Turns out that I am doing all of that AND helping with the cases from beginning to end. I have gone on removals (hospitals & convalescent homes only, so far - have yet to go to a residence or to a coroner), assisted the embalmer (he's a nut - we have a blast), polished countless caskets, babysat in the kids room during viewings, transferred cremains into urns and keepsake jewelry (UGH!!!), fought with doctors regarding causes of death, processed countless death certificates and permits for final disposition of remains, scrubbed the coolers, mopped the bathrooms, made coffee, edited Remembrance DVD's, vacuumed the chapel, cleaned the refrigerator, bleached the fountain on teh patio, scheduled crematory pickups and deliveries, repaired the rental silk flower arrangements, repaired the rental casket, prepped loved ones for cremation, made WalMart runs for superglue and hairspray, detailed the hearse . . . you name it, I've done it. All of this while getting a crash course in Human Psychology with every family we encounter.

So yeah, my business cards say Funeral Director (I always have to sign with my license number - complete PITA), but I'm the last one in the building to sit with an individual family to make initial arrangements. I make everything else happen in the background, and step in with families only when my arranger needs 'backup'.


Like today.

By the time we were done with this family, both my arranger and I probably need to go to rehab. The smell of pot was overwhelming, which was kind of amazing since it didn't appear as though any of them had bathed this month. I'm certain the sister was on meth. Between the 4 of them, they had about 30 teeth. Those were never brushed either. Granddaughter and Sister nearly came to blows a few times over the date of the services. Strange, because their loved one was a Veteran, and they've chosen the local National Cemetery. The military picks the date and time for the funeral - the family has no choice (they're doing about 100 a day - there are 8 staging areas, and they go every 15 minutes). I ended up just sitting in the room with my Arranger to help keep things calm.

We may have a gypsy funeral next week. That should be very interesting. I will see about pictures, if it's photo-worthy.

WOW - I think I wore out the keyboard!!! Sheesh . . . . Can you tell I don't have many outlets for Funeral Talk? LOL LOL LOL